I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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