So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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