He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
