Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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