i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
