Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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