Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
