I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
