White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
