I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
