i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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