Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize