No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
