awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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