Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
