All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize