It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
