He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's get the cat blown out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
