Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize