Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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