When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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