My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
