I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
