Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
