watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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