We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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