i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
