Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
