Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just crazy horny about you
You have to summon your inner elephant
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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