Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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