apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
