you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
