I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
