yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
