so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
