i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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