I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
