My friends, they love my intelligence
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
