Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
