I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
