do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
