guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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