he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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