and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
