Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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