Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
