DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
