is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
