You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
