I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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