Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
