A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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