i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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