What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
