): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
