i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
