I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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