omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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