Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
