Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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