I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
