I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
