I accidentally burped into my bong.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
