somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
