I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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