I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
