Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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