Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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