Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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