i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
