I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
