I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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