Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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