I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
