she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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