Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
this hospital has no fireball
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
