U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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