Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
