If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
